1.22.17

I was in the bathroom getting ready for my friend Carolyn's bridal tea shower. Your daddy was in the living room reading. It was an otherwise quiet Sunday morning. I had a thought that maybe I should check to see if i was pregnant yet, since daddy and I had been trying for a few months.

When that pregnancy test turned positive SO quickly, my heart flew a million different directions!

I was so surprised and excited that we had conceived you!

I was instantly aware and terrified that our lives had just changed!

Suddenly nothing else mattered but you.

I ran to tell your daddy the news and, forgetting all of the Pinterest-y cute ways I had planned to tell him when this day finally came, I found myself standing in front of him...I simply shoved the pregnancy test in front of his face and said "Look!" (...very poetic and original, I know). And then your daddy and I did just that for the next few minutes. We looked. At the test...at each other...at my stomach..?!

It slowly started sinking in for both of us that YOU, my dear Penelope, were already growing inside me. YOU were on your way, ready or not.

We decided it was best to not announce the news since we needed to see the doctor first. So I went to the tea in kind of a weird daze. I was there. But my mindset was already changing. The tiny things that mattered to me before suddenly didn't matter anymore.

Fast forward a few weeks when we finally saw the doctor. They showed us your tiny heartbeat and gave us a Due Date. Today was that Due Date! January 22, 2017. As an Aquarius ♒️ you were going to be my little Water Bearer. I know very little about Aquarius personalities, but I already loved you SO very much!

However, you are not an Aquarius. YOU, my dear, decided you wanted to be a Capricorn! ♑️😉 Why? Because you decided the world needed to meet you 11 days sooner, and because even in utero you were already a strong, confident tiny human!

Penelope Rae Kress, I love that you make life unpredictable. I love that you pushed your way into this crazy world at a moment when your daddy and I were completely caught off guard. I love your inquisitive eyes, your tiny button nose, and your feminine little mouth that is already expressing so well.

And I love YOU, my darling!

Happy 11 days old, Penny Rae!

It's Just Us

I sat down to update my blog just now, and noticed that the last time I posted was only 2 weeks prior to more excitement that was added to my life.

On April 27, 2013 Drew asked me to be his wife in the middle of a field in Clermont. I couldn't be happier as I exclaimed through tears that I loved him and, oh yeah...YES! The next 9 months were absolutely insane! I was never the little girl that had my wedding colors picked out by the time I was 12, or even 20. So I had a LOT of decisions to make, but I also had a great person to help me make these decisions. I could not have planned my wedding without my fiance and I'm so grateful he was so willing to help. He kept me level-headed and helped us stay mostly on budget (please let me know if you would like some wedding planning tips!).

On February 1, 2014 I became Mrs. Andrew Michael Kress. My heart continues to overflow with happiness when I think about that special day. There were so many things that went "wrong" leading up to it, including having 2 of my bridesmaids drop out of the wedding only a month before the big day. But things happened the way they were supposed to. We got married in a catholic church on Park Ave, then danced and ate next to dinosaur bones at the Science Center. People told us it was the most unique wedding they've ever been to, especially when someone decided to "plug in" the T-Rex and he started moving! :)
My favorite moment of the entire day, though, was when I finally got to dance with my husband. I had felt bits of emotion throughout the day, but when I was finally encircled by our closest friends and family, and our song (Turning Page - by Sleeping At Last) came on...and I was finally in the arms of my Tall Boy...I fell apart with joy. I was so grateful for the people standing with us who had stood by us throughout our relationship, I was so happy with the song we chose since music is so important to both of us, and I was beyond-words-excited to finally have Andrew, my HUSBAND, holding me...dancing with me. It was such a special moment.

For more pictures, please feel free to check out my personal Facebook page with the album here.

Also, our gift to all of our wedding guests (and beyond) was a little picture-video-song that we put together, which you can view here. :) Enjoy! 

Time Goes By...

Yes I'm back. I know, it's been almost three years since my last post and a LOT has happened since then. I've loved and lost, both people, cars, and jobs. I've met new people, found a new purpose, and discovered a new outlook on life. I'm more ME than I was back then, though I know that can be said of many people. 

Because so much time has lapsed and so much has happened, I'll focus on one event per post (for now). 

I've met and fallen in love with the most wonderful man on the planet. He is a kind, loving, caring, compassionate soul.
Andrew and I met at a bar...yes. We have a mutual friend, Miles. Miles and I worked for the same company and kept in touch through FaceBook after he left. At the beginning of November '11, I told him my brother was playing a show near downtown Orlando and that he should come. On 11.11.11, armed with my Nikon D80 I went alone to my brother's show. Miles said he was bringing his buddy Drew. The 3 of us met up and hung out, talking and laughing the entire night.
I personally didn't notice any fireworks at first sight, but probably because neither was I "on the prowl". My heart had been broken only six months prior, and I was sure I would never love again. Silly me to think I know God's plan for my life.
At the end of the night, I parted ways with Drew and Miles. As I was walking back to my car, I got a text from Miles saying "my buddy Drew is in love with you!" I giggled.
Over the next few weeks, the boys got me to come over and hang out with them while their band practiced, as we had discussed me singing with them at a gig or two in the future. Never happened. ;) But I did get to spend time with this six foot four, blue eyed fella. So it was a good trade from my point of view. It wasn't until I invited Drew over to my house to work on writing some songs that I realized I had feelings for him.
We continued to text, talk, and hang out, spending more and more time together. And on December 26th, 2011 we went on our first date. Drew is such a caring person that he asked ME if I wanted to meet him anywhere in particular for dinner. We decided on PR's Taco Palace, then walked up and down Park Avenue, then went to Shipyards to grab a beer and talk some more. The evening engulfed us as we talked and talked and talked. There was no pressure to be someone I'm not. There was no expectations of where the date would go or how long this would last. There was just us. And that's how it's been for the past (almost) year and a half that we've been together. :)
We've certainly experienced fights, tears, harsh words. We've also had to walk through Drew having 2 surgeries, me losing my job unexpectedly, and financial difficulties for both of us...and that was just over the course of 7 months! But we both believe God brought us together to bring inexplicable happiness to each other and also to help one another through the tough times that have only strengthened our relationship.
Drew compliments me. His life, his character, his personality, are a perfect fit for the good and not-so-good aspects of my life...and vice-versa.

Love Is Marching

Some girls choose to live a quiet life in the shadows, blending into the background. Others spend their entire lives grappling for the limelight, desperate for both independence and acceptance simultaneously.

Very few choose the path that these three sisters are traveling on. The Barlow sisters have helped to blaze a trail in Christian music by not producing ‘inspirational’ lyrics that get lost in really cool guitar riffs and drum solos. But they have started a bonfire in this genre by drawing people in with their amazing talents; and instead of lulling their audiences to spiritual sleep with what our ‘itching ears’ want to hear, they sound the alarm with a call to war in love. Their lyrics speak truth and love to the heart of the wavering Christian, and resonate in the souls of the unregenerate. Their music flows beautifully through the media’s sound waves, giving them platforms for sharing the Gospel. Their lives touch so many through their testimonies of perseverance, purity, and confidence in their heavenly Father.

Rarely does one see such beautiful girls (inside and out) in the public eye stand faithfully at the foot of the Cross over the years. I’ve followed BarlowGirl for the past several years, and have been encouraged that their main ‘inspirational message’ is directed at young girls, challenging them to fall in love with the Saviour, instead of chasing after the lusts of this world.

So what are you doing with your life? Are you simply living day to day, chasing the momentary pleasures that this world offers as lifetime satisfaction? Or are you living to “Carpe diem”? Seize the day! Make every moment count…not for yourself, but for the One who created you. If you’re a Christian, take risks! Don’t just sit back and expect ‘opportunities’ to come to you. Go out and seize those opportunities!

If you sense the Holy Spirit prompting you to strike up a conversation with the person sitting next to you at school, on the bus, in line…go for it!

If you have a passion for sharing the gospel in your local community, be the one to stand up and form groups and prayer meetings!

If you have something on your heart that you want to take a stand for, such as being a voice for the unborn, do it!

If you have a desire to spread the gospel to the unreached parts of this earth, do what you can to get on a mission trip to a foreign country!

Any and all of these can bring glory to the Father. Do not reach the end of your life and only then realize that you’ve wasted it! Seek the Lord on what He would have you, His laborer in the field, do. Then go out and do it! J

Come As Little Children

A friend/pastor of mine recently used this illustration by Charles Spurgeon in a message he gave. Spurgeon helps us take a different look at the story of the prodigal son, and it so affected me that I wanted to share it with the rest of the world. ;)

This poor young man, in his hungry, faint, and wretched state, having come a very long way, had not much heart in him. His hunger had taken all energy out of him, and he was so conscious of his guilt that he had hardly the courage to face his father; so his father gives him a kiss, as much as to say, "Come, boy, do not be cast down; I love you."

"Oh, the past, the past, my father!" he might moan, as he thought of his wasted years; but he had no sooner said that than he received another kiss, as if his father said, "Never mind the past; I have forgotten all about that." This is the Lord's way with His saved ones. Their past lies hidden under the blood of atonement. The Lord saith by His servant Jeremiah, "the iniquity of Israel shall be sought for, and there shall be none; and the sins of Judah, and they shall not be found: for I will pardon them whom I reserve."

But then, perhaps, the young man looked down on his foul garments, and said, "The present, my father, the present, what a dreadful state I am in!" And with another kiss would come the answer, "Never mind the present, my boy. I am content to have thee as thou art. I love thee." This, too, is God's word to those who are "accepted in the Beloved". In spite of all their vileness, they are pure and spotless in Christ, and God says of each one of them, "Since thou wast precious in My sight, thou hast been honorable, and I have loved thee. Therefore, though in thyself thou art unworthy, through My dear Son thou art welcome to My home."

"Oh, but," the boy might have said, "the future, my father, the future! What would you think if I should ever go astray again?" Then would come another holy kiss, and his father would say, "I will see to the future, my boy; I will make home so bright for you that you will never want to go away again."

Whatever there was to trouble the son, the father gave him a kiss to set it all right; and, in like manner, our God has a love-token for every time of doubt and dismay which may come to His reconciled sons. Perhaps one whom I am addressing says, "Even though I confess my sin, and seek God's mercy, I shall still be in sore trouble, for through my sin, I have brought myself down to poverty."

"But I have even brought disease upon myself by sin," says another. "There is a kiss for you, for I am Jehovah-Rophi, the Lord that healeth thee, who forgiveth all thine iniquities, who healeth all thine diseases."

"But I am dreadfully down at the heel," says another. The Lord gives you also a kiss, and says, "I will lift you up, and provide for all your needs. No good thing will I withhold from them that walk uprightly." All the promises in this Book belong to every repentant sinner, who returns to God believing in Jesus Christ, His Son.

The father of the prodigal kissed his son much, and thus made him feel happy there and then. Poor souls, when they come to Christ, are in a dreadful plight, and some of them hardly know where they are. I have heard them talk a lot of nonsense in their despair, and say hard and wicked things of God in their dreadful doubt. The Lord gives no answer to all that, except a kiss, and then another kiss. Nothing puts the penitent so much at rest as the Lord's repeated assurance of His unchanging love. Such a one the Lord has often received, "and kissed him much," that He might fetch him up even from the horrible pit, and set his feet upon a rock, and establish his goings."

Yet I Sin

Oftentimes I find that the puritans were far more able to express the thoughts in my own heart, than I am. Below is one of the prayers from Valley of Vison. I am humbled as I read these words and realize that I am not alone in my feelings of failure and unruly heart. But I am refreshed and encouraged to see how my Father never lets go of me...no matter how many times I try to run away. Thank you, God, for not allowing my constant love of sin to push You to abandon me.

Eternal Father,

Thou art good beyond all thought,

but I am vile, wretched, miserable, blind;

My lips are ready to confess,

but my heart is slow to feel,

and my ways reluctant to amend.

I bring my soul to Thee;

break it, wound it, bend it, mould it.

Unmask to me sin's deformity,

that I may hate it, abhor it, flee from it.

My faculties have been a weapon of revolt

against Thee;

as a rebel I have misused my strength,

and served the foul adversary of Thy kingdom.

Give me grace to bewail my insensate folly,

Grant me to know that the way of transgressors is hard,

that evil paths are wretched paths,

that to depart from Thee is to lose all good.

I have seen the purity and beauty of Thy perfect law,

the happiness of those in whose heart it reigns,

the calm dignity of the walk to which it calls,

yet I daily violate and contemn its precepts.

Thy loving Spirit strives within me,

brings me Scripture warnings,

speaks in startling providences,

allures by secret whispers,

yet I choose devices and desires to my own hurt,

impiously resent, grieve,

and provoke Him to abandon me.

All these sins I mourn, lament, and for them cry pardon.

Work in me more profound and abiding repentance;

Give me the fullness of a godly grief

that trembles and fears,

yet ever trusts and loves,

which is ever powerful, and ever confident;

Grant that through the tears of repentance

I may see more clearly the brightness

and glories of the saving cross.

~Valley of Vision pg. 124-125

Are You Going To Next?

If you have no idea what I'm talking about, the NEXT conference is led by Joshua Harris, the senior pastor of Covenant Life Church in Gaithersburg, MD.

This weekend is designed to be "an even more focused way of helping see the gospel transferred and received faithfully" from a group of pastors to the next generation. The teaching received at this conference is invaluable; and the fellowship, relationships, and ministry received is equally precious.

Registration ends May 16th!